How to Run More Effective 1:1 Meetings

I used to think 1:1s were simple. Show up, ask "how's it going," talk about whatever comes up, done. Then I became a manager and realized how much I was wasting these meetings—both mine and my team's.

Here's what I've learned actually works.

1. Let Them Set the Agenda

This sounds obvious but almost no one does it consistently. The 1:1 is their meeting, not yours. Your job is to be useful to them, not to run through your checklist.

I send a simple message before each 1:1: "What would be most helpful to discuss tomorrow?" Sometimes I get a detailed list. Sometimes I get "nothing specific." Both are useful information.

When they say "nothing specific," that's often when the most important conversations happen. It means they're not stressed about any particular thing, which creates space for bigger-picture stuff.

2. Start with Them, Not with Work

Don't open with project updates. Open with the person. "How are you doing?" asked genuinely, with a pause that makes space for a real answer.

The first few times you do this, you might get surface answers. That's fine. Keep doing it. Over time, people learn that you actually want to know, and the answers get more honest.

This isn't soft stuff that doesn't matter. Someone who's burned out, frustrated, or distracted isn't going to do their best work. You need to know what's going on with them as a person to help them succeed at work.

3. Ask Better Questions

"How's the project going?" is a lazy question. It invites a lazy answer. Try these instead:

• "What's the biggest obstacle you're facing right now?"
• "What would make your work easier this week?"
• "Is there anything you're avoiding that we should talk about?"
• "What's something you've learned recently?"

Specific questions get specific answers. And specific answers are actually useful.

4. Talk Less, Listen More

I tracked my 1:1s for a month and discovered I was talking 60% of the time. In a meeting that's supposed to be for them. That was embarrassing.

Now I aim for 70-30—they talk 70%, I talk 30%. Some meetings I hit it, some I don't. But having a target changed my behavior.

The hardest part is resisting the urge to solve every problem they mention. Sometimes they just need to think out loud. Ask "do you want my input or do you just need to process this?" before jumping in.

5. End with Clarity

The last two minutes matter. Don't let the meeting fade out—close it intentionally.

I end every 1:1 with the same two questions: "What are you taking away from this conversation?" and "Is there anything I should do before we meet next?"

The first question helps them synthesize. The second question holds me accountable. If I commit to something, it's on record and I'm going to follow through.

The Meta Point

Here's what ties all of this together: good 1:1s require you to pay attention. Not just to what's being said, but to how it's being said. To what's not being said. To the energy in the conversation.

That's hard to do when you're also thinking about your next meeting, or what you need to say next, or the Slack notification you just saw.

Being present is the skill underneath all the tactics. If you're fully there, the rest tends to work out. If you're not, all the best practices in the world won't save you.